| A home page,,, coooooooooooooooooooooool | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Pennsacola, Florida My home town | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Uhhhhh, Hi if you are reading this that means you probably know me one way or the other. Well my name is Biggs Darklighter. I live in Hannibal Misery.(missouri) I love Star Wars and I like Sailor Moon and Powerpuff Girls. I'm not sure why I just do. I also like pizza and Classical music and alot of other things. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| So, thats where my finger went.! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Hi, well here are some jokes that I made up. Please don't copy and paste them cuz' it took me a while to write them. a boy comes home from school and hears strange moans coming from his mothers bedroom, he goes to her room and finds her masturbating.. moaning "I need a man.. ohhh..I need a man". The next day, it happens again... he goes to her bedroom door and she's maturbating, crying out.."I need a man... I need a man! "..... this happens several more times, then one day the boy comes home to find his mother in bed with a man... he runs to his room and starts masturbating.. crying out "I need a bike.. I need a bike" One day, Clinton called the White House interior decorator into the Oval Office. He was very furious and said, "Chelsea is very upset because she thinks she has the ugliest room in the entire White House; I want something done about it immediately!" "Yes Sir, Mr. President," the interior decorator replies. "I'll take those mirrors out right away!" Gore and the Clinton's are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy." Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy". Chelsea turns around and says you know what, I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy. The scene is a newspaper office.The editor says to one of his reporters: There's a fire raging out of control west of town and I want you to get out there fast. And above all, get some good shots. If that means you have to hire an airplane, just do it. Don't worry about the expense. So, the reporter calls the local airport and orders a plane. He rushes out to the airport, spots a small aircraft with a young pilot in it, pulls open the door, jumps in and says to the pilot: Let's go, take off. As directed, the pilot takes off, gets up to altitude, and the reporter then tells him: See that fire raging to the west? I want you to fly over that and get down as close as you can. Incredulous, the pilot says: You want me to fly over that fire? Sure, the reporter says, I am a photojournalist and that's why I am here--to take dramatic shots of the fire! The pilot looks over with a quizzical look on his face and says: You're not the flight instructor???????? A nun walks into a corner liqour store and asks the man behind the counter for a fifth of wiskey . To which the man asks her why a nun would need a fifth of wiskey and the nun replies that it is a medical emergency . the man finally agrees to sell the nun the fifth of wiskey.later that evenig as he is closing the store he sees the nun on a park bench drunk off her ass. the man walks up and asks the nun what happened you said you needed that wiskey for a medical emergency? I did replies the nun it was for mother suprioirs constipation .cause when she sees me shes gonna shit!! While Bill, Hillary, and Chelsea were vacationing in Wyoming, the housekeeper was tasked with looking after their pet parrot. They hadn't been gone for more than a couple of days when the parrot was found dead in the bottom of it's cage. The housekeeper set out to find a replacement bird and visited nearly every pet store in Washington. After several hours of looking, she came across an exact duplicate of the bird. As she purchased the parrot, the shop owner cautioned her that the bird had previously been owned by a Madam and had lived for several years in a house of ill-repute. The house keeper said that no one would ever know and took the bird back to the White House. The morning after, the Clintons returned to the White House. Chelsea walked through the room and the bird said, "Too young." A little later Hillary came into the room and the bird responded with "Too old." That afternoon the President entered the room and the bird said, "Hi Bill!!" One day, a nineteen year old virgin boy approached his father and asked, "Dad, what does a vagina look like?" The yound man's father replied, "Well, son, a vagina is a beautiful thing. It's like the most beautiful flower you could imagine, with soft, moist pedals. It's Gods most beautiful creation.... before sex, that is." The young man thought about this for a few seconds, then asked, "Well, what does it look like after sex?" The father pondered for a few moments, then he said, "Well, have you ever seen a bulldog chewing on mayonnaise?" Top Ten Slogans Currently Being Considered by Viagra: 10. "Viagra. The quicker dicker upper" 9. "Here's the beef!" 8. "Get a piece of the rock" 7. "You've come a long way, baby" 6. "Viagra, it plumps when you take 'em" 5. "Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman 4. "Tastes great, more filling" 3. "Viagra, built ram tough" 2. "Just do her" ....and the number one slogan being considered by Viagra: 1."This is your penis. This is your penis on Viagra. Any questions?" A man is walking down the street past his grandparent's house when he sees his grandfather sitting on the front porch swing with his pants off. Concerned, the man approaches the house and asks if his grandfather is alright. Confused, the grandfather replies, "Oh, I'm fine. Why do you ask?" The man says "Well grandpa, you are sitting on the front porch with your pants off?!?!" "Oh that," replies the grandfather. "I was sitting on the front porch last night with my shirt off and I got a stiff neck. This was your grandma's idea." A man comes home from his work at the pickle jaring factory. What goes on there is that they slice and jar pickles. He looks to his wife and says he has a problem and she asks what that problem is. He says, "I have this urge to stick my dick in the pickle slicer." "WHAT??" Says his wife, "Did I hear you correctly?" "Yep I want to stick my dick in the pickle slicer." She tells him that maybe he should see a sex therapist about his problem. The man thinks about it and decides that he can probably kick this problem on his own. Two weeks go by and the man returns from work one day with a real bad look on his face. His wife asks "What's the matter?" He says "Remember about two weeks ago how I told you about sticking my dick in the Pickle slicer?" "You didn't?" She replies. "Yes I did." "Well what happened?" She asks. "Well I got fired." Says the man. "No No." she says "What happened to the pickle slicer?" "Oh." replies the man " She got fired too." What sexual position should a woman use to make an ugly kid? Ask your mom. A guy walks into a drugstore, buys a condom,then walks out laughing hysterically. The next day the guy comes back to the store, buys another condom, and again leaves laughing like crazy. This makes the druggist very curious. He tells his clerk, "If that guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him to see where he goes." The next day the guy comes in, buys a condom, starts cracking up, then leaves.The clerk follows the guy out and comes back about an hour later. The druggist says, "Where did he go?" The clerk says, "To your house." A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city and attached the following message to his windshield: "I have circled this block 10 times. I have an appointment to keep. Forgive us our trespasses." When he returned to his car he found this reply attached to his own note, along with a ticket: "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I lose my job. Lead us not into temptation." A couple had just gotten married and where alone together on their first night. This was to be the first time they had made love and it was while her new husband was getting undressed that she noticed a few things about him. As her husband took off his trousers, the wife noticed that his knees were all mangled and scared. She asked him what at happened and the husband explained "as a child I had kneasels" "Kneesels?" she asked, "what on earth is that?" He replied, "Kneaseles are like measeles except they only affect the knees". He continued to undress and as he pulled off his socks his wife looked at his toes and found that they two were all mangled and scared. She asked about this and he replied, "oh as a child I had tolio". "Tolio?" she asked, "what on earth is that"> He explained, "Tolio is like polio except it only affects the toes". As he began to remove his boxer shorts she shouted, "Don't tell me, let me guess- small cox". Tenant Letters Excerpts from actual letters sent to landlords... 1. "The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared." 2. "I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off." 3. "This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door." 4. "I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall." 5. "I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen." 6. "Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces." 7. "Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant." 8. "Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny color and not fit to drink." 9. "Would you please send a man to repair my downspout. I am an old page pensioner and need it straight away." 10. "When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy." What does Hilary Clinton do every morning after she shaves her pussy? Puts a tie on him and sends him off to work. Why do hippo's fuck in water? how else are you going to get a 500lb pussy wet A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary. The husband decides to give his wife a gift, a tombstone, with the inscription: "Here lies my wife.....cold as ever." Later, the furious wife bought a return present, a tombstone with the inscription: "Here lies my husband.....stiff at last." "Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?" "Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?" "Would you remarry?" persevered the wife. "No, of course not, dear" said the husband. "Don't you like being married?" said the wife. "Of course I do, dear" he said. "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" "Alright," said the husband, "I'd remarry." "You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt. "Yes" said the husband. "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause. "Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband. "I see," said the wife indignantly. "And would you let her wear my old clothes?" "I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband. "Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?" "Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do." "Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too." "Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She's left-handed." "From the back Pew..... Three Presbyterians arrived at the Pearly Gates together. St. Peter quizzed each on the meaning of Easter. The first said it's that day in November when the family gets together, eats turkey, and watches football on TV. St. Peter lamented the state of religious education. The second said it must be the day in July when we set off fireworks and have patriotic parades. St. Peter was even more disappointed. The third described the entrance into Jerusalem, the Last Supper, the Betrayal, the Crucifixion, and burial in the tomb sealed by a round stone. St.Peter was really encouraged and happy - until the supplicant explained that each year the stone is rolled away, Jesus comes out, and if he sees his shadow there are six more weeks of winter." | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Whats he doing? "I don't know, give me time to figure.... oh my god!" What?" I think her bra just came off!" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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My ICQ # is 24166135. Use it if you wish but please do not distribute it. I don't want 2,000,000,000,000 names on my list. |
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